As a wife I have to be more conscious of my words when I speak to my husband than I have to be in any other relationship.
My dear brother said it to me this way, “you’re attitude and words can make or break your husband because of the position you have in his heart.”
One of the hardest things I’ve experienced is having an intention or expectation that something I’ve said or done will be helpful, but the outcome is my husband feels hurt or criticized. I’ve seen this happen many times in my journey. It leaves both of us bewildered and feeling unsafe.
This is where understanding the influence our words and actions have on our husbands can help us be more cautious and discerning when we speak. Sometimes the issues are too complex for a conversation and should be addressed in prayer.
God has given us full access to Him.
Christ is with us in our marriage. We have Holy Spirit as Helper to help us as we help our husbands. Oftentimes we don’t ask for help until we recognize the magnitude of a task or assignment. As wives we have the responsibility of strategically using a combination of resources namely our emotions, words, actions, and devotion to the LORD, in this position of helpmeet. As with most things balance is critical. Thus we need much of our prayer focus to be requesting wisdom from the LORD to properly allocate our resources.
We have to be willing to assess and adjust. Marriage requires a continuous push-pull dynamic between a husband and wife to reach the appointed destination of an optimal partnership. In other words we want to tweak whatever is needed to make our relationship with our husbands as fruitful and fulfilling as possible.
With that being said, marriage does require change because being a wife is not about showing up and forcing our way, opinion, preferences, and desires on our husband. Instead we are called to be and become whatever is necessary for our position in his life to be effective. Your husband has his own way, opinion, preferences, and desires. Of course we desire our husbands to conform to make us happy, but marriage requires give and take on both ends.
In the example I provided earlier my first inclination was to reiterate my intention hoping that my husband would be able to get the intended message if I repeated myself or rephrased the same message. I’ve come to realize it’s not that simple. His feelings are very real and if my words are not processing effectively than I can chose to be silent on the matter and just take it to the LORD in prayer. Of course there are other options but this option is one that has to become a go to for the sake of understanding and peace.
In summary our words and actions are powerful even if we don’t understand the extent to which this is true. We have to chose our words as though our husbands are taking in every word we say. Remember the attributes of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13. Continue to seek the LORD for growth in the selfless love that His Holy Spirit pours out.
Titus Two Tip:
Watch over your heart and meditations about your husband. The things you believe about him become the words you say to him. We are called to build up but we can easily tear down.
~There is Womanhood and then there is Biblical Womanhood